Post by cwollman on Jul 7, 2021 5:39:08 GMT
I feel like I’m having Déjà vu cause our tribe is once again going to tribal (insert groan here).
So it’s not looking too great for me or Brenton at the moment. So the challenge itself I did well on and had I had any of the other video segments I would have gotten a majority of the questions correct, I should have volunteered for that last round and I could have tied it up or got us more points. Damn. Alicia and Rizo tanked on their round, which to be fair was the toughest of the videos, but still only 7 points were earned. Bummer. So after we find out that we lost, I jumped to the messages to hit people up for calls tonight and tomorrow. I was able to briefly chat with Alicia who I think wants to help me, but knows that she put her neck on the line for me already and that backfired. I then hopped on a call with Brenton and we talked game for like 5 minutes and then had a really beautiful conversation. I passed along some info about the other team so if Brenton survives, he has a starting point with the other tribe. I genuinely don’t want to vote for him tomorrow, but I fear that is the only option I will have to stay in this game. My last call of the night was with Rizo and I think he genuinely can see me benefiting his game long term (which is true, I want to work with him moving forward). I shared information about what I knew about the other side as well with Rizo, but far more in depth than I did with Brenton and then I genuinely asked him advice about how to talk to the Dayle, Alicia, and Sarah and I think he shared some good tips. I have a call with Sarah and a call with Dayle tomorrow and I’m hopeful, but recognize that my chances of survival aren’t that high.
Dayle is the person that I think is most against me staying which actually really sucks because I have never voted for her, I made her aware that she was in danger on my previous tribe and she also lied to me on the round that Félix went out. She could have doubt about my vote “being stolen” on the round where her name came up and be mad that I didn’t vote with her and the others when we all had said we were gonna vote for Aleem. I don’t know where her distrust directly stems from, but it is justified. I don’t know how to approach our conversation tomorrow and I don’t know if anything I could say could change her mind. I don’t hate Dayle in this game (and I most certainly don’t dislike her as a person), but I don’t feel great about her. I don’t know what to do about Sarah and I think she could be pivotal if Rizo and Alicia can lean towards keeping me. Booooo. My one big selling point is that Alicia, Rizo, Dayle, and Sarah have never actually voted for me so I don’t have reason to be mad at them or feel an excessive amount of hurt from. Brenton has a higher likelihood to flip before me as they have all voted for him 1-2 times so far while we have been on a tribe together. He is gonna keep pushing to find out who voted for him in the last revote at tribal and I’m hoping people get annoyed with that. I am more willing to play a riskier game for the people I align myself with and they can use me as a shield all they want. I WANT TO FUCKING MAKE MERGE. My top goal when I entered this game was to make it to that point and I’m sooo close.
I’m not gonna lie, have I thought about being chaotic for this round. I think you and I both know the answer to that question. Here’s the idea, remember early in this game when I genuinely and accidentally posted a confessional of mine on my tribe page on Proboards? Well, hear me out, what if I “accidentally post my confessional” again and in my confessional and in this confessional I say that I plan on using my idol (that 100% does not exist) and will 100% be making the merge. I would also say that I might have the deciding vote and need to really weigh out my options. I would have to bank on someone actually seeing the video and spreading that to the others. Here’s the hard part, if that chaotic plan actually worked and everyone magically didn’t vote for me, the aftermath would be wayyyy too dangerous. Then I would have lied to them all AGAIN and I would 100% have to jump ship and go to the other side. I probably won’t go through with that chaotic mess of a plan, but a girl can dream.
The odds of me making it to merge dwindle by the hour, but let’s see what I can tackle tomorrow. As messy of a game as I have played, I am proud that I played a more risky game than I have in other orgs and minis, I often play it too safe. I showed that I can slay challenges (which I have never been great at) and build strong relationships when I choose to show my authentic self. I learned what makes me defensive, how easily I can turn on the water works and where I need to grow as an org player….. I also learned that I shouldn’t take big shots at players until later in the game, I should try to be more honest in games (cause it’s hard to keep track of all the lies) and I learned that I have to continuously build my personal relationships with others and not stop working on them the moment I talk game with someone.
I can’t tell you how many times I had to convince myself in this game that I was just as smart as the other players and be my own hype woman. A lot of the tricky situations I was put in were because I put myself in them and I made myself doubt my worth as a player. The truth is that even though I will probably be going home, I am still an excellent player. Those two things can co-exist. I’m sure it will be far less chaotic when I’m gone….psych it definitely won’t be, but at least I held true to what I said in my All Out application, I was definitely gonna make things spicy this season.
So it’s not looking too great for me or Brenton at the moment. So the challenge itself I did well on and had I had any of the other video segments I would have gotten a majority of the questions correct, I should have volunteered for that last round and I could have tied it up or got us more points. Damn. Alicia and Rizo tanked on their round, which to be fair was the toughest of the videos, but still only 7 points were earned. Bummer. So after we find out that we lost, I jumped to the messages to hit people up for calls tonight and tomorrow. I was able to briefly chat with Alicia who I think wants to help me, but knows that she put her neck on the line for me already and that backfired. I then hopped on a call with Brenton and we talked game for like 5 minutes and then had a really beautiful conversation. I passed along some info about the other team so if Brenton survives, he has a starting point with the other tribe. I genuinely don’t want to vote for him tomorrow, but I fear that is the only option I will have to stay in this game. My last call of the night was with Rizo and I think he genuinely can see me benefiting his game long term (which is true, I want to work with him moving forward). I shared information about what I knew about the other side as well with Rizo, but far more in depth than I did with Brenton and then I genuinely asked him advice about how to talk to the Dayle, Alicia, and Sarah and I think he shared some good tips. I have a call with Sarah and a call with Dayle tomorrow and I’m hopeful, but recognize that my chances of survival aren’t that high.
Dayle is the person that I think is most against me staying which actually really sucks because I have never voted for her, I made her aware that she was in danger on my previous tribe and she also lied to me on the round that Félix went out. She could have doubt about my vote “being stolen” on the round where her name came up and be mad that I didn’t vote with her and the others when we all had said we were gonna vote for Aleem. I don’t know where her distrust directly stems from, but it is justified. I don’t know how to approach our conversation tomorrow and I don’t know if anything I could say could change her mind. I don’t hate Dayle in this game (and I most certainly don’t dislike her as a person), but I don’t feel great about her. I don’t know what to do about Sarah and I think she could be pivotal if Rizo and Alicia can lean towards keeping me. Booooo. My one big selling point is that Alicia, Rizo, Dayle, and Sarah have never actually voted for me so I don’t have reason to be mad at them or feel an excessive amount of hurt from. Brenton has a higher likelihood to flip before me as they have all voted for him 1-2 times so far while we have been on a tribe together. He is gonna keep pushing to find out who voted for him in the last revote at tribal and I’m hoping people get annoyed with that. I am more willing to play a riskier game for the people I align myself with and they can use me as a shield all they want. I WANT TO FUCKING MAKE MERGE. My top goal when I entered this game was to make it to that point and I’m sooo close.
I’m not gonna lie, have I thought about being chaotic for this round. I think you and I both know the answer to that question. Here’s the idea, remember early in this game when I genuinely and accidentally posted a confessional of mine on my tribe page on Proboards? Well, hear me out, what if I “accidentally post my confessional” again and in my confessional and in this confessional I say that I plan on using my idol (that 100% does not exist) and will 100% be making the merge. I would also say that I might have the deciding vote and need to really weigh out my options. I would have to bank on someone actually seeing the video and spreading that to the others. Here’s the hard part, if that chaotic plan actually worked and everyone magically didn’t vote for me, the aftermath would be wayyyy too dangerous. Then I would have lied to them all AGAIN and I would 100% have to jump ship and go to the other side. I probably won’t go through with that chaotic mess of a plan, but a girl can dream.
The odds of me making it to merge dwindle by the hour, but let’s see what I can tackle tomorrow. As messy of a game as I have played, I am proud that I played a more risky game than I have in other orgs and minis, I often play it too safe. I showed that I can slay challenges (which I have never been great at) and build strong relationships when I choose to show my authentic self. I learned what makes me defensive, how easily I can turn on the water works and where I need to grow as an org player….. I also learned that I shouldn’t take big shots at players until later in the game, I should try to be more honest in games (cause it’s hard to keep track of all the lies) and I learned that I have to continuously build my personal relationships with others and not stop working on them the moment I talk game with someone.
I can’t tell you how many times I had to convince myself in this game that I was just as smart as the other players and be my own hype woman. A lot of the tricky situations I was put in were because I put myself in them and I made myself doubt my worth as a player. The truth is that even though I will probably be going home, I am still an excellent player. Those two things can co-exist. I’m sure it will be far less chaotic when I’m gone….psych it definitely won’t be, but at least I held true to what I said in my All Out application, I was definitely gonna make things spicy this season.